Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Melee Child: A Jock Scratcher Thriller is coming soon!

Coming soon to Kindle and to print: A parody of the Jack Reacher novels entitled Melee Child: A Jock Scratcher Thriller.

If you’ve got an itch for thrills, Jock Scratcher is the only one who can scratch it!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Timmy's Final Gift- A Truly Dark Christmas Story

Just in time for Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate, here is a rare Joel S. Muttoe story called "Timmy's Final Gift." It's from a long out of print volume from 1971 entitled "Christmisery," which billed itself as "A Collection of Dark and Disturbing Holiday Tales." And Muttoe's "Timmy" does not disappoint in that regard.

It concerns a very sick little boy's last gift requests to members of his family. It is a genuine downer, but it is also quite moving and powerful.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

"The Dreaming Gazelle" by Joel S Muttoe

In December of 1972, Alkahest House publishers released an all-new printing of Joel S Muttoe's story collection "Slab Sputum" under the title "The Dreaming Gazelle." It was a fairly shameless attempt to cash in on the success of that spiritual animal story, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which by that time had sold approximately 100 million copies. Of course, Richard Bach's novella is, shall we say, wistful, while Muttoe's story is an uncompromising look at life from the perspective of someone who is, shall we say, a little more eccentric. Alkahest House recruited Jefferson Airplane singer Grace Slick (an avowed Muttoe fan) to write the introduction, but even that wasn't enough to keep the volume in print. It hit the remainder shelves within a couple of weeks of its release- anyone who bought this book expecting something like "Seagull" could be forgiven for feeling they'd been cheated. Still, Alkahest's headquarters was subjected to rioting by angry patrons demanding a full refund of the purchase price ($1.95 hadcover), which was probably excessive. The rioting, not the cover price.

To my knowledge, this is the only time in recent memory when a short story collection caused a riot in America.

I've scanned the cover of the 1972 edition, along with scans of the story from the original 1934 "Slab Sputum" printing, because my 1972 edition is so cheap that it cannot be opened without it turning to dust. Ironic, when you think about it, considering one of the stories in the collection is "Moldering Volume."

The First Chapter of Muttoe's Translation of the First Book in the "Arsole Fantüm, Gentleman Immoralist" Series

Update: The Arsole Fantüme blog, with real actual information about Arsole Fantüme, can be found here.

I’ve gotten more than a few requests for more information about the obscure writer Joel S Muttoe. There’s really not so much more that I can tell about him that I haven’t already mentioned in previous posts. However, I would like to comment a little on his work as a translator, which took up the bulk of the last four years of his life.

In France, the idea of the gentleman crook captured the hearts and minds of both authors and public alike. Characters like Maurice Leblanc’s Arsene Lupin and Pierre Souvestre’s and Marcel Allain’s Fantomas were arguably the most famous. There was, however, another such character, Arsole Fantüm, Gentleman Immoralist, who created a messy trail of anarchy wherever he went.

The character was the creation of the French writers Marcel Maurice and Pierre Pierre, and he appeared in over 275 novels that the prolific pair of authors produced from 1906-1909. Though described as a “Gentleman Immoralist,” it was difficult to tell just what was so “gentlemanly” about the immoralist, other than the fact that he often wore a top hat and tails during the commission of his unspeakable crimes. Indeed, in the first chapter of the first novel, simply titled, Arsole Fantüm, Gentleman Immoralist, the title character “enemates,” (that is to say, commits murder by enema) three very unlucky characters. And from there, it only gets more bizarre and questionable.

Muttoe, who had fallen on hard times when the first novels started appearing in France, was contracted to translate the first novel into English, owing to the fact that it had an enema theme, and as I’ve already stated, Joel S Muttoe was one of the prime explorers of the art of the erotic enema. Obviously, there’s nothing erotic about the deadly enemas that Arsole Fantüm, Gentleman Immoralist inflicts, but Muttoe was also concerned with other types of enemas.

He turned out to be the perfect choice as translator, since the English versions of the novels sold over 10 million copies in America during the period from 1907-1909. Since that time, all the books have fallen out of print and remain largely forgotten (for instance, I could find no mention of him on wikipedia), although you can occasionally find old copies of the books on eBay and alibris.

My collection is extensive, and one of my proudest possessions. I’m happy to scan the first chapter of the first book here, for posterity/academic/historical purposes. Please enjoy- but be sure to read with the lights on! Arsole Fantüm, Gentleman Immoralist is one of the most terrifying creations in all of literature!

Original post here.

Muttoe's Ejaculation Poem "Full of Silt"

For whatever reason, my erotic enema poem is one of the two or three most-visited entries on this blog. I think it has something to do with people's interest in erotic enemas. But there's also an interest in the author of that work, the obscure poet, Joel S. Muttoe. I know this because I've been getting requests for more examples of his poetics.

Thanks to Muttoe's almost total obscurity, and his disquieting lack of skill, I am one of the very few people to own any examples of his work. For this reason, as a public service, I am posting a scan of another of his romantic poems, this one relating to male ejaculate ("silt," as it was sometimes referred to in Victorian times), and probably just as good as his erotic enema poem, "Flood of Love," linked above. It was taken from an anthology called "Odes 'Pon a Damp'ning Shaft: The Erotic Poetics of the Penis," which was edited by the great educator and editor Dr. MacAdam Playfaire. It features a number of poems, each more questionable than the last. I believe it is, sadly, no longer in print. A search of eBay found one copy for $1,234.21.

Original posting here.

Muttoe's Erotic Enema poem "The Flood of Love"

I was going through my dissertation last night, prepping it for possible publication ("Foamy Lube: The Enema in Art, 1837-1900") and I came upon one of my favorite examples of the erotic enema in Victorian art, a poem entitled "Flood of Love" by the great but little-known Joel S. Muttoe. It's fairly bold for its time, and has a highly untraditional meter. This page was scanned several years ago from an obscure volume of Victorian poetry whose title I can't remember, but was edited by Carr, I believe.

A little about the author: He was a native of Slopshire and educated privately by his mother, who had fervently hoped to have a daughter. He toiled as a clerk for about ten years, writing unpopular lyrics in his spare time. Critics and the public alike were put off by what they considered to be self-indulgence and lack of skill. Eventually, he renounced literature and began a lucrative career as a traveling enemist, perhaps not unlike the "gregarious specialist" of this poem.

Here's some more about enemas in literature.

Original post here.

"Rebarbative Threnody" by Joel S Muttoe

Today I received in the mail a copy of the ultra-scarce compilation "Orange is the Color of The Charnel House", bid and won on eBay for the extremely low price of $473. It features stories by some of the greats of surrealism and what's become known as "masochism lit," authors such as Andre Breton, Fernand Dumont, Gisele Prassinos, X. Chalquez, and of course my own beloved Joel S. Muttoe, whom I consider to be one of the two or three best writers of all time.

I first discovered the obscure and belligerent Mr Muttoe's (1889-1952) works in high school, from that famous reference in Burroughs' "Naked Lunch," the line "like something out of Muttoe's wettest nightmare." I searched and finally found a copy of his collection "The Dreaming Gazelle," which features his most famous story (the one you probably know), "Lover's Infection," along with other greats like "Slab Sputum," and the title story.

"Rebarbative Threnody" is a story I'd heard about but never actually read, since it has not been reprinted except in "Charnel House." I'm so excited that I've decided to go ahead and scan the pages in here, mostly for historical/educational purposes (and please credit me if you reference this blog entry), since to my knowledge it's mostly impossible to find. One word of warning, however: This story is extremely bleak. It is lovely and beautiful, as are all of Muttoe's works, but it is bleak. This is not hyperbole. It is the bleakest story I have ever willingly read from beginning to end more than five times.

(By the way, I'd like to take issue with the editor's introduction to the story: Muttoe could be surprisingly "glass-half-full"-- I offer his "The Kite Story" as an example.)

Originally posted here.